How? [29 Jul 2008|03:31am] How can you love someone so much even though they hurt you so bad? I've been asking myself this for the last two days and I still don't know. If you love someone, you do everything in your power to make them happy... I'm not happy. This isn't working. post comment

A far away love... [13 Jun 2008|12:00am] ( Summer has started... ) The last three weeks have been spent alone. Jack has gone for 3 months and I haven't had the energy to be social. I know I need to quit this and get back into the game but it's hard. Not to mention, I feel sick everyday and I have no idea why... Before the three weeks I started hanging out with Eunice again and I'm happy about that. We've always been able to keep a great friendship and I'm lucky to have her back. Not much else to say... 68 days. P.S. Radiohead, Jack's & my birthday (both Virgo, weird?), and my sister coming home make August a great month to look forward to. I want to have a party for both of our birthdays seeing as they're 7 days apart and in the same week. We'll see. 5 comments|post comment

Hello, Summer. [17 May 2008|07:41pm] I'm in love and it's hard. post comment

[01 May 2008|01:36am] Being in love gives me the worst case of anxiety. The more I love, the more I start to worry about the break-up. I do that because all the guys I've previously dated have never given me any sort of future plan. They live in the "now" and never in the "later". I don't understand why now that I have someone who isn't afraid of planning our future together, I feel terrified. I'm trying to convince myself that it's because I'm afraid of losing him and this wonderful gift but that doesn't seem to relinquish any doubts. I need to start going with the flow because dwelling causes me to act crazy. I'm in love and that's all that matter. We're going to move out and everything is going to be perfect... "A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." I still think Nietzsche is an asshole. 3 comments|post comment

[29 Mar 2008|01:47am]   ( Hello no sleepyface! )   I'm not going to update. I'm just going to gush, as one who is in like usually can't help but do. In this case, I can't help it because it's always on my mind and my friends are probably getting rather disgusted with me. We have our problems. We're not perfect. We fight and we bicker and sometimes we hate eachother but there is no doubt in my mind that we're perfect. We get over things and we make-up and making up with him is probably the best because he's adorable and makes everything seem funny, even when I try to stay upset. I feel safe whenever I'm in his arms. He's an adult and I appreciate how mature he is and how much he loves to take care of me. Sure guys liked to take care of me before. They'd buy me gifts and cook for me but there hasn't been anyone like Jack. He always questions why I'm with him and doesn't know how I could ever be happy dating him but I am. I couldn't be happier and I don't care what anyone says, he's right for me. Plus, he has the most beautiful smile and his laugh makes me want to kiss him all over. I'm a sucker for a great smile and laugh... I am such a fucking sap, I should just die. Rereading that almost made ME nauseous... post comment

[17 Feb 2008|12:46am] I'm happy. Again. Please last. post comment

A New Month [05 Feb 2008|11:02pm] I've had a very uneasy feeling all day. I haven't been able to shake it. I almost feel vulnerable and that's one of the worst feelings. I feel insecure about school and I hate to think that I'm wasting my time there. I want to do something substantial, something that will benefit my future. I hate paying for education that doesn't excite or stimulate. I know I belong at art school. I've wanted to since I was younger. I was scared and I couldn't bring myself to take that big of a step. I feel like an idiot for not going through with it, but I guess this is just an experience. The mood I'm in is killing me. I hate this feeling. Tomorrow, please be better for me. 2 comments|post comment

[23 Jan 2008|12:50am] 4 things I have been loving lately: Jack and his incredible ability to keep me happy. Doing homework and feeling accomplished. Laughter. Lots of it. My new BlackBerry Curve. Jack has become an important part of my life. I was so upset about different things and when I found him it all seemed to disappear. I don't count on him to make me happy, he just does it because he loves to. I've never asked anything of him, he just knows exactly what I want and I appreciate him so much for that. He has made my school going experience easier because I have someone to text when I get lonely or bored. Haha. But school is fun for me. I love doing homework and feeling productive. I haven't made any friends yet, but hopefully soon. I think I'll make more friends in English because we have all met and gone through an "ice-breaker". Ice-breakers are always helpful. As embarrassing as they are, I have to give the teachers who use them props because I wouldn't ever get to know anyone without them. I'm very very shy, it's a fact. Laughter... I have laughed soooo much lately. I love feeling happy. It's genuine and unfortunately past due. Getting a new phone has also made me INCREDIBLY happy. Especially because my new phone is a fucking heaven-sent piece of technology. It's my baby and I don't care how retarded that sounds! Go nowhere without it. The camera is amazing. And it doesn't make me feel as adolescent as my sk3 did. Sorry, I enjoy feeling grown-up. I need to take more pictures. I will start. The weather has been so beautiful so I'll definitely be documenting it while it lasts. 2 comments|post comment

Starting over [16 Jan 2008|11:49pm] I deleted most of my journal. There weren't any memories I'd like to keep, so I wiped it clean, apart from a few entries that didn't give too much away. I'm going through some changes and I thought it would be appropriate. Obviously my username rules so I couldn't throw that away but we're definitely starting over. I recently started school. I'm taking 3 classes, not much to mention but it's school and it took me a long time to get here, sadly enough. This anxiety bit is getting old. I'm getting old. I still feel like I'm 8. It amazes me how the repercussion of a life-altering event changes you forever. I haven't ever been the same since what happened when I was 8. It wasn't something that happened to me but it affected me in more ways than I can conjure. I don't know if I should be thankful or bitter about it, but nonetheless, I am who I am and I should be thankful for SOME of my qualities. Anyways, school is a bust but it's something to do and I enjoy that. What I do NOT enjoy is walking back and forth from my car to school during the 45 minute break I have between classes. I am out of breathe by the time I reach my math class. I'm contemplating giving up my gym pass... Speaking of the gym. I haven't been going but tomorrow I'm starting it up again. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I hate the people that go there, but love how I feel after working out. Sometimes I choose comfort over commitment and find myself staying at home instead. I need a committed gym partner... hate myself for being dependent on someone else for this. Love life? We'll get back to that. P.S. I love how I get zero comments. Makes me feel like I'm really writing in a journal. Leave your commentary at the door. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Sep 2007|08:34pm] Tomorrow is my birthday. 10 comments|post comment

[02 Sep 2007|03:13am] My birthday is this Friday. Nineteen? Not a big deal. post comment

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